Mother's Day And My Subsequent Un-doing

Since the first knitted item I've gifted, the whole "gift knitting" thing has been the bain of my existence.

Above: Cabled Purse and Cabled Purse detail from Last-Minute Knitted Gifts -- A Mother's Day gift for my Step-mother.

Let me explain.

You see, as parents age, they actually become younger psychologically. It's a phenomenon not unlike Dog Years -- only in reverse. When they reach a certain milestone number -- for our purposes, let's say 55 -- their psychological age actually decreases by about seven years until death, when it's assumed they've come full-circle into their pure, child-like state.

But what does this have to do with knitting?

Well, as I'm sure you are all aware (and, if you aren't, SHAME ON YOU!), Mother's Day is upon us once again. And, just like any other annoying Hallmark holiday, the giving of meaningful gifts is involved. AND, being of the Knitting Persuasion, my first instinct is always to knit everyone a nice little gift.

Oh silly, silly Paula.

How can such nice sentiments turn so ugly? So, sooo ugly...

Here's how: I have about three women in my life to knit for on this fine day -- my Granny, my Mom and my Step-mom. All very wonderful women, but all over the fated milestone age of 55. Granny is typically fine. She crochets and has overdosed on hand-crafted items. So, for her, a simple facial care set or bouquet of flowers accompanied by a nice lunch will do. My step-mother is also fairly easy to please. She's just excited that I like her and will actually take the time to knit her something. It's all about the thought with her.

And then, there's my Mom.

My mother. How to explain? Somehow, she manages to get wind of it whenever I knit ANYONE ANYTHING. I don't know how she does it, but the woman can spot a knitted gift item from miles away and over fiber optic cables. I try hard -- oh so hard -- to keep everything on the down-lo, but so far, I've been unsuccessful each time. From the scarf I knit for my ex-boyfriend's mother, to the wrap I knit for my step-sister, to the socks which are merely a concept in my brain for Father's Day...

She KNOWS.

And she does not take it well.

Despite the fact that I've knit the woman two scarves (including the dreaded fur scarf that was all the rage this past winter), a very cool and tedious Rowan cap, and a bunch of other things -- she acts as if I've never knitted her anything every time she gets wind of a new project intended for someone else. And, it isn't even as if she uses any of the things I've knit for her. I don't think I've ever seen her wear the Rowan cap, and I've only seen her wear each scarf once. As a matter of fact, when I first started knitting, she was COMPLETELY uninterested and thought it was a waste of time -- that is, until she saw the scarf I made for my ex's mother and witnessed all the praise it received. Then, she accused me of treating the "strangers in my life" better than my OWN MOTHER. I didn't hear the end of that for about a year and she only stopped the guilt trips after I knit the damn Rowan cap. The one she has yet to wear.

So this past week has been painful. Not only am I trying to keep the socks I'm knitting for her a secret, but I have to EXPLAIN the cute cabled purse I'm knitting for my step-mom and how it has NOTHING to do with how much more I care about her than my own mother. Somehow she also knows I'm knitting Rosie The Dog (my step-sister's doggie) a sweater dress for her birthday (yes, it's true, DON'T MOCK ME) and is actaully jealous of the dog (I know I'm abusing the italics, but bear with me).

Thank god this is the last gift holiday involving gifts for the women of my life for at least another six months -- otherwise, I'd have to kill myself -- but not before knitting my burial dress. ;-)

Here are the finished Mother's Day socks/anklets:

(Please forgive the morning light. I haven't been to bed yet and I needed something to occupy my time).